I have a confession: I hate aerobic exercise. Always have. As a kid, I avoided any sport that involved an excess amount of running. I enjoyed volleyball and softball: a run around the bases was about as far as I could tolerate. I quit volleyball after my freshman year in HS (despite being told I would likely make varsity in sophomore year) because I couldn’t tolerate the 8 minutes of running we had to do at the start of each practice. I often rolled my ankles due to hypermobility, and I couldn’t stand the burning feeling in my chest when I was out of breath.
As a teen and young adult, “exercise” = cardio. I would occasionally take a step or dance class at the gym or hop on an elliptical, but was never able to make it a consistent habit. This was a source of constant disappointment and shame for me. “Why can’t I just get it done?” “Why can everyone else do it but not me?” “What’s wrong with me?” The issue extended well into adulthood, and continues today.
During covid, with extra time on my hands, I made a commitment to myself. I would do SOME form of exercise, even if it was just for 10 minutes, every single day. This idea, combined with a newfound meditation habit, allowed me to actually make the change and get it done. I hit the mat, (at home) every single day, for 10-20 minutes. After a few weeks, I was more into it, and started extending the sessions. I would follow youtube videos and exercise classes through apps. I varied my workouts- with yoga, strength, and dance/cardio. I bought myself an at-home spinning bike like the rest of the world, and I actually used it. Soon enough, I would actually miss working out if I had to skip a day.
But as things started to pick back up at work, and my patient load exploded, life got more hectic. My parenting and marriage took a hit, and I started to burn out. My good habits again fell by the wayside. When I decided to make a major life change by leaving my job and starting Balanced Medical, I knew incorporating permanent healthy lifestyle changes HAD to be a part of it. I joined a personal training gym and committed to twice weekly strength training. This has been a game changer, and I do enjoy it. But for cardio, which is equally important (especially since I have several risk factors for cardiovascular disease), I still struggle. Week after week, I make plans to exercise. But when the time comes, I am too tired or too busy or have some other excuse. I tried asking others to hold me accountable with check-ins. But I’m stubborn. And I often don’t care what others think of me. This is often a good thing, but in this case, it is to my detriment. The reason an accountability partner often works is most people would be ashamed if they did not do what they said they would. But nope, not for me! (so long as I said I would do something for myself, at least)
I know this is something I need to do. I know the data. I know how powerful of a “drug” it is. I accept that this is hard for me, and I am choosing to let go of the self-deprecating narrative of “I should be able to do this” and “what’s wrong with me.” It is finally time to take extreme measures, because my life literally depends on it. I recently brainstormed with my trainer on how to hold me accountable in a way that will work, and together we came up with a plan: Each week I would tell him my plans for that week for cardio. I include when, where and how. I have to message him with proof: photographic evidence and/or fitbit stats. If I don’t succeed in completing the task, I have agreed to let him charge my credit card $50 for each time I don’t do what I said I would. He will hold this money in an account that will ultimately go to a charity of his choosing. While I love donating to charity, $50 for every missed session is going to sting! He originally suggested $20 and I knew that wouldn’t be enough, since I have ditched out on classes that cost me around $30 in the past.
This weekend marks my first success with this method. I made it to Soulcycle. It was too loud (I have reached the age where I need earplugs for this sort of thing), and I probably could have pushed myself harder, but I did it. And I’m damn proud. My method may seem extreme to some, and maybe it is for them. You may not need a $50 penalty to light a fire under you. But what WILL it take to get you to achieve your health goals? Everyone is different. For some it comes naturally. For others, they may need to be dressed and dragged out of bed by their partners or best friends. Wherever you lie on that spectrum, meet yourself where you are, and get it done; whatever it takes.
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